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My Wife and I are just finishing a kitchen/dining room/living room remodel on a house built in 1952. This included partial removal of the wall between the kitchen and the living room and adding to what was left to make a penisula wall with breakfast bar. The old saying is, "if your marriage can survive a kitchen remodel, it must be a strong marriage." Sometimes, I had my doubts but we made it through just fine and I'm sure you will too.

Posted by Steve – October 10, 2006 6:24 PM

Wow! You are brave. We have friends who gutted their kitchen a few years ago during the summer and had to eat out every night. They were ready to kill each other by the time it was all over. Naturally it took longer than expected when the custom cabinets did not fit and had to be adjusted. It was beautifull when finished but the mess was horrible.

Posted by Robbi – October 10, 2006 6:30 PM

Well, we have been in the remodeling process for over a year. Yes, a long time. First in order to move the washer/dryer out of the kitchen and into the basement we needed to somehow make stairs going down into the basement. Well, with an over 100 year old house and all the plumbing/pipes and venting it was somewhat difficult. Our stairs our steeper than I would have liked but well, that's done. We made a wash room and while we were down there and I had access to everything from inside the house I sort of went on a tangent. I really didn't know what I wanted to do with my kitchen, all the websites, magazines and meetings with Home Depot were confusing me and so I ended up making a music room down stairs and a playroom for the kids. That took time but it was easier to plan. Now after 6 months of meeting with a Home Depot kitchen advisor I've decided not to go with them. They couldn't seem to do what I wanted. They tried but I felt like I was in a box trying to come up with a design. I finally went with a custom cabinet maker and am very excited. He is in the process of making the cabinets. Now my husband wants to gut the ceiling, raise it and put a skylight up there. I'm now stressing again trying to design that and wondering how that is all going to happen before the cabinets are ready. We gutted the upper cabinets and took out some soffits we had. I wish I could show you pictures but I'm not sure how to do that. Anyway, it has been a looooooong process. I have 4 kids, 12,9, and 2 twins who turned 3. I can handle most of it but the dust is a killer. We all have allergies and breathing around a remodeling project is painful. I take my hats off to all those in the process of remodeling. I envision it as having a baby, once it's all over it will be a blessing but going through it is almost unbearable. juls :)

Posted by Juls – October 11, 2006 11:38 AM

My husband and I recently married. We have a home built in 1908. The kitchen and bath are an addition that we are planning to redo. The kitchen and bath used to be a back porch. The ceilings are about six feet tall, and so is my new husband. The floor slopes as a back porch would. There is also an enclosed sunroom off the kitchen. We want to push the kitchen out onto the sunroom and make a larger kitchen. We also want to knock down the dividing wall between the kitchen and dining room, and make a breakfast bar.
We are in the process of getting estimates right now. Most of the heavy work, framing, foundation, and roofing we plan to contract out. The interior work we plan on doing ourselves. We are both pretty handy, he's an electician and I do a lot of research. We have only done one other project together. We ripped out our plaster and lath bedroom, rewired, framed, insulated, drywalled, and painted.
Does anyone have any advice for the newlyweds?

Posted by Maria – October 11, 2006 12:01 PM

We recently bought a condo that needed a complete kitchen remodel. I did the work myself via IKEA, and I have to say I had a blast. It took me about two weeks, and only that long because I'm pregnant. If you really want to try something fun, get down to IKEA and see what they have. Everything is easy to put together.

Posted by Erica – October 11, 2006 3:10 PM

We gutted our kitchen July 1 and have had every possible thing go wrong. We had a designer help us with the plan. We chose custom made cabinets and the guy in charge quit/got fired and ran off with all our paperwork! Needless to say when the cabinets were finally delivered...3 months late, they were not what we were promised by the first guy. After a month of fixing all the problems with the cabinets that we can, we are finally to the point where we can start painting the walls, Our granite counters will be installed next week and then the tile backsplash. So we are in our 4th month without a kitchen and we are all ready to kill each other.

Will it all be worth it...I hope so. This was supposed to be our dream kitchen, but has been more of a nightmare! So far I can name about 3 major design flaws that I will just have to live with. All I can say is that Thanksgiving is our new target date!

Posted by Loren – October 11, 2006 3:57 PM

Wow, I thought I was the only one crazy enough to try and write about the remoded in the middle of remodeling. I'm including my blog http://santacruzright.blogspot.com/ to give a feel of what we doing. Our house was built in 1880. The last time the kitchen was remodeled was in 1940, with a few updates after the 1989 Loma Prieta Earthquake. Because of the mess and destruction I haven't gotten to write as much as I would like. But please take a look. We moved our stove outside and I'm still semi-cooking. The fridge is in the dining room and am using a laundry sink on the porch for washing dishes. We're using mainly paper plates any more, washing outside gets real old. Good Luck

Posted by Joyce – October 13, 2006 9:53 AM

Steve, you mention that big remodeling projects are hard on a marriage. So true? Any tips you would offer?

Posted by Jim Sexton – October 14, 2006 4:31 PM

Juls, keep us up to date with your remodel. It sounds huge!

Posted by Jim Sexton – October 14, 2006 4:34 PM

Maria, here's my advice for newlyweds who are doing remodeling projects. Gretchen and I have been married for 18 years. We are both "first-borns". So we both want to be in charge. This was a problem when we started working on our first house. We argued a lot. Finally we worked out a system where one of us became the lead for each project. It was still collaborative, but the lead person took on more of the responsibility. This was a good system for us. Eventually, once we understood each other better, we didn't need to do this anymore.

Posted by Jim Sexton – October 14, 2006 4:43 PM

Loren, any advice for the rest of us now that you are much closer to being finished?

Posted by Jim Sexton – October 14, 2006 4:47 PM

Joyce, Great to read your blog. It looks like your remodel is even more ambitious than ours. Are you crazy?! We too are still semi-cooking. Or at least using bowls, plates, silverware, etc. We are washing dishes in the bathroom sink upstairs. Yes it is a pain. It is tempting to go with disposable plates and silverware. Though I'm not a huge fan of generating that much waste. Keep us up to speed with how you are progressing.

Posted by Jim Sexton – October 14, 2006 4:55 PM

My husband and I are in the middle of a remodel as well. We started this project a year ago. It is getting very discouraging and depressing. We tore down the walls between the kitchen, livingroom and took out the walls to one bedroom to open it all up into one big room for the open concept of kitchen with island, livingroom with fireplace and diningroom. We put up a new ceiling over the existing one, which has turned into a nightmare. Our contractor promised us a flat ceiling but we still see tape lines. If we had it to do over again, we would never have put up a new ceiling, we would have scraped the popcorn ceiling and patched it because they did a lousy job strapping the ceiling to begin with. This is a very sore subject. Our contractor was paid ahead for the work, which he spent the money and did not come back for a long time, we finally made a deal to pay him half of his hourly wage and to take the other half of what he owes us. He is getting paid by the hour so we feel taken advantage of at times. He makes mistakes, some are fixable and some we just have to live with. On top of that, when he does fix his mistakes, we are paying again. We were planning on remodeling the bathroom, mudroom and putting on a new deck but after all of this, I think we are going to need a break. There are times when I can't even discuss this with my husband because he gets too upset about the whole thing. The biggest thing is that there is no where to relax. We have been eating out every night. We are so tired of being promised a completion date over and over again to only be disappointed. I'm tired of living in a mess every where I go and I have asthma so it's very difficult. I could go on and on. I pray things go easier and faster for you.

Posted by Barby – October 15, 2006 9:31 PM

About a year and a half ago, my husband and I added a larger dining room onto our 30 year old Dutch Colonial. Imagine that we added onto the front of our house. (a strange, yet oddly perfect place). We had a contractor put it under roof, but we did all the finish work, including electrical and dry wall. Then we knocked down the wall between our old dining room and kitchen and gutted everything. The end result is wonderful. We did all the kitchen work ourselves, including hanging cabinets, installing built-in appliances, lighting, and flooring. The work took about a year, but we were able to partially use the kitchen after only about a month. What a great time we had, and the end result is perfect. Plus when you do the work yourself, you are never at a contractor's mercy.

Posted by Cookie – November 2, 2006 12:28 PM

Oh what we have to look forward to. In the spring, we will begin a kitchen, bathroom, upstairs addition of an 106 yr old farm house. We have been through some things before, 3 years ago, we "pinned" and lifted the main part of the house to dig a new foundation/basement. Try 6 weeks of no hot water. Believe it or not, running hoses throughout the yard in the summer can heat up alot of water. I figure if we can live through that with all the dust/dirt and disruption of insects in a 100 year old foundation, I can live through the kitchen/bath remodel. We are just in planning stages now.

Posted by debf – November 6, 2006 11:08 AM

Three Peacekeeping Tips for Couples During Remodeling

1. Do NOT blame each other for the circumstances of the remodel. You will both be under added stress and will need to vent this in a constructive way. Do this at the gym or on a walk or talking to your mirror, singing loudly in your car, etc., but not at your spouse.

2. Think creatively. Living in debris, dust, etc. is not punishment unless you make it so. Find creative ways to view your remodel. Do those things you always wanted to do, and use the remodel as a reason to finally make it happen. Go on that camping trip. Visit the mountains, islands or ocean. Go to the zoo or the park. Play outdoor games. Have sleepovers at other peoples' houses and play games and watch movies. Make the remodel into a game show: How Can We Make Today Fun? You can check progress on your remodel without being present at all times. I recommend that you check in at least once daily, keeping an eye on progress, but don't make it your entire focus so it becomes overwhelming.

3. Work together to find solutions. Make yourselves a strong team, able to conquer any remodeling challenge that comes your way. Contractor says you can't remove a wall like you thought? Don't get frustrated and start fighting. Remember #1: don't blame your spouse. Instead, start coming up with ideas for potential solutions. Get 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions from other builders. Start imagining what you could do if the wall support must stay. Can you create support columns and remove the rest of the wall? Can you remove a different wall instead? Work together until you find a solution that you are both comfortable with, or ask an interior designer for ideas. You might find that your marraige gets even stronger throughout every remodel ...
angeliquemedow@aim.com

Posted by ANGELIQUE MEDOW – November 11, 2006 11:48 PM

Wow, well I came to the right place. I will be following all the blogs I can get my eyes on from here. My finace and I are preparing to do an addition to our home that will include a new kitchen and family room. Our existing home is super small (720 sq.ft) and we will be eventually moving the bathroom and turning our current living room into a 3rd bedroom. You guys are giving me some great insight and inspiration! Thanks!
Maria souns like we have alot in common, only we're doing EVERYTHING ourselves. My fiance is an electrician too and I'm the one doing a ton of research. I'm learning alot, most I know already...but I just can't wait to get my hands in the middle of our project!

Posted by Angie – December 14, 2006 9:38 AM

Jim,
We are over in Crossville, TN and have been hashing out ideas for the entire house. The kitchen/living/dining being our biggest struggle. All 3 rooms are seperate making each one seem so small. I just want to tell you that you have inspired me to just knock out the walls and open it up!

Posted by Tami – February 27, 2007 3:09 PM